2013….ooooowwwwww

I'm aware i have written not one thing in tis whole year….i had a lot of stuff i DID want to write…..but dramatic changes, lessons, and complete destruction of an imperfect integrity or flawed set of vague rules which i adhered to were completely shattered. Thus, i had all the mental knowledge someone could piss in your ear…but realised i owned very little of that i had to say.
once again, this is my rant…for me..my kids..and anyone who cares to hear…i so not reread them..yet…i do not correct spelling, dodge "foul" language or correct my punctuation…this is me as it flows when the time is right.
small history…I've worked my ass off since i was very young. feeling empty despite physical or mental stimulation…and this has only grown stronger…..i know that what has been missing…that emptiness that something is just not in place…has always been me…'it's all fun and games til someone loses an 'I'….then clarity and the horror of your lie you've been living kicks in…bad thing? fuck yeah its hard to look at yourself and not know who the fuck you are or where you belong.good thing? fuck yeah, time to rebuild.
my spiritual journey has been fuelled initially by mysticism and visions and anything outa this world…but all these things are merely another thought that must be observed, and let to rest.
space and silence are the only two things…for me…that are timeless, unknown, and their depths possibly unknowable.
with a game of piggy in the middle of two main spiritual structures or teachings, i have found my place, for now anyways.
between the solitude and meditation, the almost aesthetic lifestyle of the recluse and the other side of the shamanistic magic or full physical contact dealing with and observing energy in it's flux….i found a thread……
this thread is the following string in a twisted, dark, enchanted yet scary forrest.
this thread uses a combination of techniques designed to free ones self from the mind..NOT of it.
it is more of a psychological approach to an inevitable following,finding and transcending my patterns that have run their course. the layers which this thread take you through are so deep and boggling that i have become aware that we not only need to transcend what we have been fed by our peers etc in this life, but centuries of the same or similar patterns handed down to evoke an identical emotion or reaction within.
i realise all the work i put in to give me peace and detachment, had worked very well in a secluded environment, with no one to mirror back and evoke the emotions still held but lying dormant. this time transcended a lot…and i realise all it really did was set me a ruffled nest of awareness to sit back into once it came time to face everything else i still held.
upon reflection after some time of observation and thread following, i noticed a predictable yet varied human response that regardless of the catalyst, it was the same for most people, same, but translated differently by them depending on the level of awareness.
i was left with nothing! except a bunch of mind stuff i'd read and was no where near or desired to babble about for the sake of sounding like i knew what i was talking about.
so everything i knew, everything that dictated who i was, was just another story….
from this point…a brother now needs an anchor! and it was hard to find one that would hold, still is.
my point here, is that i found a thread, waving etherically in the consciousness, and i grabbed it.
the journey of true seeing and transcending begins! not that anything before was wasted or bullshit…it was just no longer all relevant.
following this thread to each reactive area within the body is what has shown me that it is all my shit. nothing you do or say is ever wrong or blameworthy. i watched actions, then felt the emotion rise from a particular area, and then followed thought or anger or…just reaction and unease.
the thread itself spits into what seems like infinite fibres that run deep thru this rabbit hole to each corresponding reaction zone.
So this now becomes a psycho/spiritual journey….. in short, in order for "spiritual" realisation, the psychology must be observed, undone and transcended. if the transcendence is fruitful, consciousness expands, and little by little one begins to feel more whole.
everyone who is put in front of you is merely a pawn in your game…no offence…this is my observation, so take it or leave it….
each and every person or situation stirs some kind of emotional response…everything becomes an attack on that brick wall we had built for us that we call 'me', and slowly the wall begins to crumble.
so in a large sense, that wall is who you believe you are…and now you are realising its bullshit and as it falls, so does the preconceived idea of me.
now this can feel no more or no less like death! because thats exactly what it is….as u undo yourself and realise these ideas, thoughts, stories, lies are not you. you are the shiny clean foundation for which they began to build, laying there watching as this monstrosity weighs you down and silently witnessing its rise and fall.
once again, back to the point……each time i have a reaction… i feel it at its roots, and i follow the thread to its foundation and stare at it like a 3 year old child throwing a tantrum…and i decide this is not fuckin cool! so begins the work on undoing the knots of belief that these reactions are tied so tightly to…always in the energetic system, one energy wheel/chakra or another. with each unraveling comes the conscious expansion and energetic rise within…we just claimed a piece of peace back again. not saying this shit wing happen time and time again!, but it lessons until it becomes background noise or a muffled picture behind the shiny, peaceful truth….there was never a problem, it was man made and we bought it…
this too, not a bad thing! for how would we know to look for the light if there was no darkness to compare it to?
this has been, and will be a long road…i'm impatient and a control freak….. obviously something I'm learning to transcend…for after all, who is it that is impatient and controlling? once that wall is completely gone, so are you. the idea of you. the story with all its emotions and petty reactions. and as a believer in fate….and i use the word belief warily here, what is or was there ever to control??? and who? and why???
watching every interaction thru the awareness, not the mind alone, for the awareness will feel the truth and the path for you, and then follows the thought to put it into action.
this has been my work! even on the most petty shit, jealousy, desire etc….shit i admittedly didn't think i held..but being back in society for the last few years has shown me that I've needed these mirrors/people to piss me off! make me jealous etc…so i could then see that this is all trapped within me and i need to follow that thread to its source and undo it.
i feel now after the most brutal year ever!!! that thru the chaos, the divine has its plan and the best thing to do is watch it play out, react from a place of truth and peace…not from a made up set of living codes…but those codes must be undone so the truth can play its roll and expand and heal.
i guess the goal is to unravel it all! but in order to do that, you need to face it all! and that suuuucks!! but the light at the end is this… none of it was ever real to begin with! and once it is all seen through and we are able to act from a position that has pure motive, a position of wholeness and peace….everything will be perfect….even in its current, apparent imperfection…
this is my journey at present….and its tough…and its tough trying to find someone, anyone to play along and bounce off, to quicken the evolution so that we may actually be able to help people from truth,,,give them what they need…which is rarely what you think you want when you come to this.
i am so far from done…but i have no choice but to follow this at all cost…and sometimes the costs are so heavy that in dark times when the fruit of understanding hasn't fully ripened, the pain is unbearable! but a definite shove to speed this shit up.
i will be back to tell how this goes for me…..then again, i may be back and say something different yet relevant to the energy at the time…after all, we are all made of energy, and its nature is to change, then comes the contradictions for the human…but it is what it is, and it reveals what it needs to, however it needs to, and we need to be constantly watching and diligently tending to that internal and eternal garden.
peace
gregos

THE TRICKY TRICK

There is something calm sitting below the surface... Maybe it's what u would call "the witness"... Untouched by emotion.. Untouched by everything that appears right or wrong... Just sees life in its simplicity and perfection. It's always there. The emotional body rears and bucks alot... But if we empower that witness, slowly the emotions will be controlled or transcended. They are the product of our false self... The possessive child like ego. It hurts like hell to destroy it... We have to be gentle and explain to it and show it the actions it allows. The trick is not to mind that it hurts emotionally as we transcend. The pain means we are working through the stupidity to a freer, more accepting life.
Good luck for the new year to u all.
Love and peace.
G

THE CONSPIRACY CONSPIRACY PART 2

I feel that my conspiracy rant only captured briefly the essence of my potential understanding.....Something comes in and I just gotta get it out and more often than not I rush through missing vital points of information that are necessary to those who need more of a step by step guideline. Unfortunately right now, I don't have the time to elaborate and explain in detail where you might find answers other than from within. On this subject, my point is to remember who or what you are. Your limitless potential. To open your system and focus on what really matters...... realisation! This is what will set you free.
Here I am going to leave a link....which is in my link sections anyways, to a man who although is the foremost conspiracy buff.....still makes it his point for you not to get caught up in the conspiracies themselves. It is consciousness that is my point, and also his, regardless of the mind boggling potential truths he speaks of. The aim is still the same. Realise and reclaim your consciousness at any cost.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cmKeSIVpNR8&feature=related

THE CONSPIRACY CONSPIRACY

OK.......this is a touchy one......but I'm going in anyways........
There is no doubt in mind or the mind of anyone who is aware of the ins and outs of human control or suppression that there are cheeky organisations out there trying to control society and feed the masses rules and fears to do just this. Often through sneakily causing mass destruction and death, pinning it on "less stable" societies/people or religions. Then coming across as the good guys and ensuring you that if they take away your liberties, your freedom and monitor the shit outa every move you make, they will stop these terrible people and protect your fragile, fearful existence.
There's a huge list of conspiracy theories.....alot of them possibly correct, absolutely no doubt.
I think it is important to be aware of this stuff and it's impact on your freedom robbery.....but I can also see a "conspiracy conspiracy" going on here that pulls a full circle to rob you of your freedom whilst you are busy looking into the way it robs you......confused? Just how they like it!
Here's my point.......The actions of these people/ corporations/ thieves, have become so obvious and mass scale that anyone can find proof of their blatant evils. Now I am not one to judge here on right and wrong, as i have said before, everything is a beautiful lesson, but i am not big on purposely harming someone physically or impeding their growth in any way.That said, I'll get back to my point......
It seems now that these overly obvious conspiracies that consume us and piss us off are being used to consume you and intrigue you to the point that if we indulge them too far and too long, they have you by the balls! obsessing and being pissed off about these things is now the driving force to blind you from being open to your surroundings, yourself and the flow of energy just waiting for you to clear your system and realise your own truth.
At first we have always been blinded by our beliefs and consumed by our morals and social expectations, dictating our actions and curving our true energetic flow and path.....people are starting to realise that all the stuff they placed importance on, judged others or themselves on, have been inhibiting their realisation and full potential as an incredible being and masterpiece of some divine plan.
Those who were happy to keep this blinding matrix in place are aware that we are peering through the cracks and seeing our own existence as a lie.......starting to see that we are truly free, starting to see we are controlled.
Enter mass destruction, conspiracies and terrorism! just when you were reaching out to touch your freedom from the mind trap, they pulled us back with fear and "stuff" to consume the mind again and pull it from the light. while everyone is busy researching, accusing and seeing these obvious acts of horror....those who wanted you to stay blind are contently twiddling their thumbs and smiling....because now they have your attention again. It has been pulled away from the personal freedom they were so afraid that you were about to find, and focused on more bullshit to keep you blind.
See the conspiracy for what it is, it has its place and needs to be seen....but obsessing about it is another freedom trap, mentally, physically and spiritually.....
It makes no difference to true realised personal freedom whether Osama stole Bush's barbie doll or vice versa....or aliens made pretty patterns in the fields.........it's still pulling at your senses and your fear strings.....the truth doesn't give a shit about any of it.........

CHANCE, FATE OR DESTINY?

Something I have been watching and considering for some time now is the meaning...or more closely, the possibility that chance does not really exist at all....its a complex concept, like everything imagined by man, and is not without its contradictions.
Fate or destiny, which if believed, would cancel out chance.
I have had the great fortune to have had a realisation on many occasions and to then be put in a situation to have it confirmed as solidly as I had felt it to be, in my eyes, "correct".
An example of this was on a plane, not only once.....but in this case it fits well.
I had been doing some intense "unlearning" of that which i believed myself to be.....this was by choice for the last 20 years, but the way it came on and out of me was far from the way I expected or by any means wished it to happen.....but thats another story.....
After months of being ripped apart, I realised, as I have said before, that there truly was no right or wrong. They were merely relative ideas.
I took a plane to see the realised master I had been to see often over about the last ten years in Melbourne.(refer to sailor Bob on the links) And had the great fortune while in this state to be sat next to 2 priests for the journey......hahahaha.....I was brought up in a religious family and attended a religious school my whole life....At one point I believed wholly everything that they did. Needless to say I took this opportunity by the horns and put my headphones down as soon as I found out they were men of the cloth...or at least studying to be....Chance? I dont think so!
The conversation turned quickly to morals.....rights and wrongs....who had the ultimate say? who made the ultimate rules? And, of course, what happened if you didnt follow them?!
Their argument was obvious, the ol' ten commandments talk...I'd heard everything they had to say 1000000 times and knew the conspiracies surrounding religions/politictics etc also. But this was not at all what I wanted to talk to them about.
I asked them, by their rules, how many terrible things they had done in their lives and what regret they held or guilt if any.
They told me of countless tales of things they had done wrong and the guilt they felt etc.....I had done all those things and more, yet I felt nothing.
I asked them if they were happy where they were now? both of them, with large smiles, said that they were elated that they had now found god and all those sins would now be washed away and forgiven.....I then asked, if they changed one thing...just one of those apparent "wrong things" that they had done, hell even one of the "right" things!, would their path have continued to their happiness now? or would that resistance have changed their course in their life and lead them somewhere completely different?
After staring blankly for a bit they then answered that there was every possibility that they may not be where they were, all happy n all, had they just not performed one of those "morally"incorrect or correct  actions.
So how could an action that lead you to your current happiness be wrong or right?
Did you ever have the choice of either performing that action or not? Or was it destined...prewritten that that was just always gonna happen because that was your fate?
We are generally so preoccupied with our reaction to a situation that we fail to see any code, any writing on the wall that we are on the only track we are or were ever gonna be on.
We know how we want our path to be...smooth, happy and easy.....consistent with what  we have grown up learning how we like stuff to be...not how stuff is.
I have had so many experiences that reflect back these findings that it has become almost impossible to ignore that things just are what they are...whats happening in your life was quite possibly always going to happen. Now its just the reaction that needs attention....the reaction is the mirror to show you just how much resistance we are putting up against what may just be fate anyway.
If you believe in reincarnation, they say it takes something like 100000 births to create then undo your karma. Each life reflecting karma left over from a previous lifetime for you to transcend. I have never been sure on the whole rebirth thing, I am still not sure, but in this case it is beginning to make sense to me. I would usually ask "what is reborn if it is merely a body and an ego/phantom, which dies anyways?"....Now we are approaching questions about the soul.....another time.
So after all that, I am starting to feel and see a lot more consciously that there is almost a map laid out on how your life will run...And the faster and higher energy is getting, the faster these almost predictable events, or should I say predictable feelings brought on by specific events, are coming in.
Everything and everyone presents itself to you for a reason. Being conscious of your feelings and reactions to these things is the key to realising all the crap that makes you up. Awareness and consciousness are the greatest healing tools we possess!
There is never anything that happens for no reason...someone you meet for no reason....a reaction you have for no reason. Investing in why or what these things are or why they present themselves is your only true way of clearing the junk from your goal of pure understanding and realisation, of being healed and helping others to heal. That is the destiny on the road of fate.
Soooooo I get to the gurus home and sit quietly in satsang for the most part, and the topic of right and wrong rears up without me ever bringing it up. So after listening to much discussion amongst my peers and observing Bobs slight smile and laid back silence, I say to him, "So Bob....ultimately, there is no right or wrong is there?"......He just smiles gently and says.."No".
Fate?

The Path

stop looking for a path to follow....open your eyes...you are on it.

Dharma

This has been on my mind since karma..... It's always been my understanding that dharma is the natural law of how things should flow. Or more intimately, your path to realization or truth. Definitions of dharma, in my opinion, can appear contradictory. But I guess that's always going to be the case when you try and explain the unexplainable with a mind and words which it is beyond. It seems to explain that dharma is living "right"or following a set of rules and morals that are considered correct.... Everyone wants freedom... But they juuuust want a few rules or instructions to get there. To me, this is where it all collapses on itself once again. Who discerns these rules/ morals of correctness? The curve ball that's thrown at me to learn from will always be different to the one thrown at someone else. One set of rules to approach infinite variations of the curve ball will get no one anywhere. Your dharma is your path. We all have possibly simar things to transcend, yet there is no one approach. Mindfulness of the karma that continues to recur in life is your guide, your dharma. Then mindfulness and specific personal action to go about undoing or transcending these recurring "stones on the road" is your "way". Drop your beliefs.... If you believe in something you shut off to other possibilities, which once again are infinite. Right, morally or otherwise, for you, may not be so for me. Your rules, rights and wrongs etc.  become your religion.
Each issue within your dharma will present itself with many faces until it knows for sure you have seen through it and let it go.
You have to be like water and flow with what comes up on "your" path.... Forget about judging someone else's! As an imperfect being, you have no right to even assume you know why they are like they are or act like they do. Maybe it's their way of transcending their issues. So focus on yourself. What are the stones in your river? Can u flow over them or around them? Can you pass all these stones in a mindfull manner and end up lapping peacefully on the river bank? Or like so many, will you let life turn into rapids and end in a cascading water fall because you were to busy not paying attention and liberating yourself from this dream?
Heaven is here and now.... And it doesn't give a shit what you look like, what you eat, smoke etc. as long as it is approached purposefully an truthfully, with understanding and action.... Whatever action that may be for you.
Follow your heart and energy.... Be prepared to change your approach when the energy changes the game... And it will, as that is its nature.